Seein' double, livin' single
Night club frustrated tryin' to mingle
There's a girl dancin' over there
She's got very fascinating hair
But I can't work up the nerve to do my schpeel
With my big foot stuck in my mouth
I end up talkin' like a heel

Cuz I'm a loser, not a schmoozer
And a no luck in woman cruiser

I'm a dog without a leash, a jigsaw puzzle lookin' for a piece
I'm a kid without a toy, I am the world's forgotten boy
Why can't I work up a silly nerve to talk no shit
Like a square peg, stuck in a hole, I just don't fit

Cuz I'm a loser, not a schmoozer
And a no luck woman cruiser
Not a wheeler or a dealer
She's on a pedestal and I'm a kneeler
I'm a loser and a boozer
I'm a loser, not a schmoozer
Never ever gonna be a chooser

The prince of fools, the king of pain
It's enough to drive a poor man insane
I'm lookin' hard but I fear
Another lonely night bartender gimme a beer
Why do I even try, I get the same old line
She said my boyfriend's much bigg than you
I said what a waste of time

Oh my God that girl just winked at me
So I worked up my courage, feels like I'm gonna pee
I said baby, she just froze
She said did your mother dress you
Where'd you get those clothes